i've never been more like existentially, mortally furious than i have been lately. this life is genuinely such a cruel joke, i'm so disillusioned and i don't really know how i'm going to keep going. every time i have conversations with the people around me and it feels like i'm completely alien. most of the time they'll just start talking over me or looking at me funny. i'm so frustrated with everything and everyone. i don't think i was meant to be alive


today i watched harmony korine's trash humpers and it hasn't left my mind. i'm not exactly sure how i feel about it but i definitely do feel. i'm interested in korine but i've only lately started trying to dig a little deeper into his work.


i'm so afraid and paranoid today. i just want to cry nonstop. i'm listening to a lot of xiu xiu . i'm not sure if it's helping but i love it so much


finally it's the end of the week!! i genuinely could not be happier. i just want to lay down and stare at the ceiling for a while.


i'm so exhausted today. i'm in a pretty good mood though. i just have so much work to do and it's stressing me out !! but it should be fine. i asked one of my professors for an extension on an assignment and they still haven't responded though. which is putting me on edge. but it's ok


today has honestly been such a good day. i haven't been very productive but i'm in a very good mood. one of my professors was really nice to me today ^_^. and last night i had this wonderful dream that hasn't left my head, but it would be too hard to explain. just know that it was really cute.


lately i've been feeling really mentally fried. i've been looking down at my hands when i'm writing and it feels so disconnected from my mind. it's almost like i'm just inside my body. but i'm in a good mood today because one of my classes was cancelled.


i don't really know how to use html so i'm just going to format stuff like this. it sucks but it's fine. it adds character. i'll probably just treat this like a little diary to organize my thoughts every now and again. i've also decided to throw in at least one accompanying image that i like or is related to what i talk about. ok bye!!

the beginning of it all...

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